Bagels

Everything

Outside it's chaos

But the inside is tender

Not unlike myself

Sesame

Tiny little bits

That impart nice toasty notes

WE SALUTE THEE, SEEDS!

Onion

If you eat one of

These without brushing your teeth

You’re antisocial

Garlic

Garlic-bagel breath

Is a tool of dominance

In corporate settings

Salt

"Why is your namesake

bagel the second to last?"

It knows what it did

Plain

There are some people

Who go out of their way to

Avoid excitement

Sweets

Blueberry Muffin

Sentient blueberries

Stuck in baked goods must face deep

Existential dread

Strawberry Muffin

Why aren't strawberry

Muffins way more popular?

A conspiracy

Mini Banana Bread

Feeling gluttonous

But not super gluttonous?

Go with the mini

Large Banana Bread

Large banana bread

Is exactly equal to

Six of the minis