Yes, everything I make is 100% gluten free. My daughter, Li’l Saltine, and I have celiac disease, the only treatment for which is a life of torment/abstention from gluten. And I prefer to think of myself as a trophy husband.

Let’s just say it makes the angels cry. Let’s further state that angels reaaaally hate crying and their tears are made of flaming acid that they somehow deposit straight into your guts. (I don’t really know how.) Anyway, this goes on for like a week and a half.

Sometimes? But not as often as you’d think. See, the REAL secret to keeping your gluten-free goods good is that they need to be reheated once they’re no longer fresh.

Wait, whoa, no. I am definitely NOT saying that. I’m not even sure how you got that from what…oh yeah, the reheating thing. Do NOT reheat your bagels in the microwave. Use a toaster. Or a cast iron pan. Or the grill, I bet that’d be good. Hell, use a series of candles and a steady hand if that’s the only other option. The microwave’s just gonna encrapify things like a low-rent brother-in-law.

I have, yes. I wish they weren’t. But gluten-free flour is stupid expensive, and I only use the awesomest ingredients—e.g., organic milk and eggs—for everything else.

You can’t see me but I’m wincing. I hate to disappoint, but no, they’re not vegan. Everything has dairy, and the muffins and banana bread have eggs.

Why, I’m glad you asked! If you’re the type who prefers to have their carbs show up on their doorstep like a particularly great sacramental offering (pro tip: no one wants myrrh) AND you live in San Luis Obispo County, first of all we have a lot in common. SECOND, you can order delivery here. It’s available Tuesdays and Fridays via my friends at Harvestly.co. I make everything the same day it’s delivered.

Wait, have you—you’ve really never ordered from Harvestly? Seriously? Wow, OK. Huh. Picture your favorite vendors at our local SLO county farmers markets. There’s a good chance you can get their products delivered via harvestly—and for cheap, too. If you spend $50 or more from any combination of their vendors, delivery is free. Spend under $50 and it’s still only $5. They deliver aaaaanywhere in SLO county Tuesdays and Fridays.

Short answer: follow me on Instagram to get the latest info on where I’ll be, when. Longer answer: in the not-too-distant future, you’ll be able to see my schedule right here, on this very website. You’ll be able to order, too. At that point, we’ll all join hands and sing, “Shove It, Zuckerberg”. Until then, though, yeah, instagram.

Friend, each and every order is special to me. But yes, I do even specialer orders, too. You can direct message me on Instagram or Facebook, or email info@saltybagelslo.com.

We do not. I still haven’t found a way to ship bagels such that they arrive in non-crapular condition.